The Contestants

Mr Van Lint Brewery


His most heroic quality: 

He is good with his sword

He fights for: 

Money and liquor

He appeals to the ladies:

By being the strong silent type who likes to "liquor"


Mr Travellers

Wylek Karvoss 

His most heroic quality: 

He never gives up

He fights for: 


He appeals to the ladies:

With his charm

Unfortunately he missed the contest as he was late back from healing the lands.


Mr Talon


His most heroic quality: 

He is amazing in battle and really enthusiastic

He fights for: 

Peace in the land

He appeals to the ladies:

In the obvious ways


Mr Bardic Army

Pip of Ryhope 

His most heroic quality: 

His jigs

He fights for: 

Rosin (for the uneducated that's a substance for treating the bows of stringed instruments)

He appeals to the ladies:

With his rugged Navy looks and his D minor


Mr Luns

Dorji Luns

His most heroic quality: 

His immense pants

He fights for: 

His brothers

He appeals to the ladies:

With the length of his unsheathed shaft


Mr Iron Jaws


His most heroic quality: 

Being Waaah

He fights for: 

The Steppe and his brothers and sisters

He appeals to the ladies by:

Just ask his wife, Silver (who was given to him as a birthday present during last year's contest)

The Infiltrators

This year, for the first time, some families from outside the Steppe tried to join us.  As the Steppe welcomes all, we decided to go with it and see how it played out!

Mr EniberWolves

AKA First Wolf



Mr Strays

AKA Mrs Wolf


Mr Homeguard

AKA Second Wolf



All contestants were asked to bring a friend from another faction to help them in one of the rounds. Not all of them managed this.

Eric's friend is the Dusha'Adan from the Mercenaries

Dorji's friend is from the Mercenaries

Waaah's friend is Squirrel

And the Wolves' friend is the Empress of Teutonia of the Vipers, who we were honoured to have in attendance, but who did cause a bit of a kerfuffle later on.


Round 1

Hawk's Challenge 


Who can be most impressively insulting to Light Vulture?

Dorji started well, but then wandered off as if compelled by some mysterious force.  

Eric's wit was amusing and Fletchling faced him head on.

But it was Pip's eloquence and Waah's shouting most impressed the judges.

Round 2

Paradise's Challenge

Last Man Standing

Who can avoid being flicked with wet towels wielded by the friends from other factions and be the last man standing?

Dorji played his shatner card but then seemed to get very confused and wandered around the arena aimlessly.

While all the other contestants struggled to be the one in the middle like penguins in the artic, Waaah took an opportunity to impress the lovely lady judges - strike a pose.  

His inner charm shone through, it really was a beautiful sight - strike a pose.

All you need is your own imagination, so use it, that's what it's for. Go inside for your finest inspiration, your dreams will open the door - strike a pose.

It makes no difference if you're green or brown, if you're an orc or beastkin, if the judges are smiling it will earn you more ribbons. You're a superstar, yes that's what you are, you know it.

Aaah.....  Oh yes ... the contest ... all the other contestant were whipped out and Hawk declared Eric the winner.

Round 3

Vulture's Challenge


Who can wolf down the most sweets in the shortest amount of time?

All the contestants threw themselves into this challenge.

But Waaah played his shatner card and resorted to throwing the sweets at the other contestants instead.

First Wolf stayed focused and unsurprisingly, given his heritage, wolfed down more sweets than anyone else. Close on his heels were Eric and Dorji, but no one could keep up with that hungry wolf.

Round 4

Swan's Challenge


Who can inflict a wound on Light Vulture in the most elaborate way?

Eric and First Wolf played their shatner cards.

Waaah took Vulture from behind with his axe, Eric dealt a huge sword blow from a great height and Mrs Wolf tried to kill Vulture with kindness.

Dorji meandered round in a daze at first, but snuck back and stabbed Vulture when he was down. A classic move.

Pip commanded Vulture to lick Ilana - a move inspired by Will's actions as Mr Bardic Army in last year's contest. It was not appreciated then and it is still not the way to do things. We are considering disqualifying the Bardic Army from future competitions unless they promise to stop all the licking. 

Anyway, this time it was not successful, Vulture fell on his own knife, which he had given to Ilana to hold, and his throat was slit.   

Round 5

Crow's Challenge

Up close and personal

Who can force their opponent off their feet but stay in contact at all times? 

After lots of pushing and pulling and to-ing and fro-ing and huffing and puffing, to the great amusement of all the onlookers, many were laid down low.

Waaah seemed to forget the aim of the round and was determined to kiss his opponent Eric instead. Eric took the opportunity to hoist Waaah up onto his back to lift his feet from the ground. Good tactic.

But it was Mrs Wolf who was the ultimate winner.

Round 6

Nightingale's Challenge


Who can most impress the beautiful lady judges with their quick thinking and poetic artistry? 

Pip improvised a very lyrical limerick about the contest and Dorji told a humorous rhyme about a chicken duck.

Unfortunately, Eric resorted to toilet humour and Waaah couldn't adhere to the PG rating.

Nevertheless, it was another highly entertaining round.

The tally up!

Second Wolf - 0

Mr Talon of Light - 0 1

First Wolf - 3

Mrs Wolf - 3

Mr Van Lint Brewery - 4

Mr Bardic Army - 4

Mr Luns - 7

Mr Iron Jawz - 7, 6  7

Upon counting the number of ribbons that each contestant had at the end of the rounds (which, as usual, did not exactly match up to the number of ribbons they had actually won), we needed a tie-breaker.

But, Waaah was so shocked that Mr Talon of Light somehow had no ribbons, he gave him one of his own, meaning there was no need for a tie-breaker.

However, the judges were so impressed by Waaah's generosity that they awarded him an extra ribbon, meaning we needed a tie-breaker after all!


The tie-breaker round 

Albatross's Challenge



Dorji - Mr Luns 


Waaah - Mr Iron Jawz

Who can stand face to face, staring into each other's eyes, and not crack even a hint of a smile?

Just as we thought that for once we were going to get through a Mr Steppe Alliance contest with no interruptions, the camp was attacked.

Not to be deterred, we reset and were about to begin again when we were attacked - again. Monsters stop play.

The third attack came just after the tie-break had begun, so Dorji and Waaah had to stand there while others fought around them and try to keep their focus.

It was a close run thing with both of them desperate to be the victor and gain the esteemed title, but referee Hawk confirmed a winner...

Mr Steppe Alliance 1115


Mr Luns

Dorji Luns


Due to a diplomatic incident involving the Empress of Teutonia of the Vipers, Mrs Wolf was briefly crowned (we don't know why, but the Empress was a bit scary and insistent so we just went with it).  

Fortunately, Mrs Wolf was more than happy to give up the ill-gotten title once she had posed charmingly in the gallant attire, and Dorji was re-instated into his rightful position. Mr Steppe Alliance 1114, Light Nightingale, adorned Mr Luns with the newly-improved crown of bling, newly-shiny master-crafted sash and same-as-it-always-was codpiece of doom.

Dorji Luns is Mr Steppe Alliance 1115

See how he wears the crown of bling, the sash and the codpiece of doom with pride and glee! Step courageously onto the battlefield, Mr Steppe Alliance...

...and please try not to die.